Just a quick post today... am working on some really BIG things and of course have very little time to actually incorporate them into my world...
I received this award twice :) So, a great BIG thank you to the following two ladies; Jo Frances from Over 40 Style and to Pandora from Peace from Pieces for giving me this great award :) Yay ME !!!
Marriage life was, well, married life. And marriage to a Moron, well, was at times like a prison sentence. But you survive day to day, and don't even think about the why.
This was the person I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and dammit, I was going to make it work. Whenever the topic of children came up, they were always followed by money. Because my Moron was all about power and money, well one fed into the other.
I am not sure of the things that we tell ourselves, the blinders we put on, the special glasses that block us from seeing what is directly infront of our faces - DENIAL in its fullest.
I always knew I wanted children. Here I was married, and not getting any younger... and my biological clock was a tickin'...
After one more time of his leaving, and us getting back together, we decided a child was what we needed to complete this family. I cannot tell you what craziness sometimes takes over you. I cannot explain to you how you rationalize things and make them sound so perfectly in your head. I can tell you I am an intelligent woman - but sometimes your intelligence just goes out the window, and your desire takes over.
Desire to lead a normal, happy life. Desire to have a child and family that you always wanted. Desire to be "living the dream" even when you are in the middle of a nightmare.
So we tried for a child. It took us one day. Yep, one day (and thank goodness cuz my Moron really ain't all that - and there is only so much denial that can be going on)!
I knew right away I had conceived. I knew right away it was a little girl. And a part of me knew right away I was in for the fight of my life...
First off I want to thank the lovely ladies who attended the live chat we had last night in my BlogFrog Community. I was able to connect with a great bunch of ladies, get some great new blogs to follow as well as interact with fellow women who have been with Morons. Since they are rather unoriginal characters, our former Morons were all very much alike and we shared some extremely comical stories as well as some great insights. Those who were unable to make it, I will be doing another one soon!!!
This actually is a nice segway into today's topic of leopards changing spots. Do Morons ever stop being Morons? I know it's possible, only because I am a believer. I believe in the intrinsic good in people. I believe people can overcome the largest of hurdles. I believe the world as a whole to still be a good place - despite the odd nut job. I believe if you want something bad enough, and work hard to get it, anything is possible.
However, a Moron's belief system and life code is not built upon mutual respect or building up of one's partner. Morons are all about dominance and tearing down one's partner. Moron's crave power and control, and unless something extremely drastic changes in their lives, and they let true love into their battered and black little hearts, than no transformation can occur. And this takes a lot of work, and self work is what the Moron shies away from the most. Funny how the Moron keeps running away from himself and never gets away???
So what makes a Moron a Moron is the old nature vs nurture debate. I instead, choose to re-direct my energies towards making better decisions for myself and in essence, hopefully steering clear of all Moronic species in general.
I am hosting a live chat at my BlogFrog Community tomorrow (Thurs. Sept.16 9pm EDT). And would love to have you there. If you aren't a BlogFrog Member, sign up is absolutely free and painless, and you can even be completely anonymous should you so choose, or hook your profile to your blog and use it to promote your website. Up for discussion is living Moron Free, sharing some of your stories, learning you aren't the only one, who fell in love with a Moron, or dated, or married, or whatever.... kinda like group therapy with your girlfriends :)
So come on over, tomorrow night, grab a drink (you can type one handed) and some cookies (I know I will be having something with chocolate in it) my community is full with some amazing ladies and gentlemen. Many whom are abuse survivors (though not a prerequisite to the chat).
Birthdays were always times I looked forward to. I mean who doesn't love parties, the cake, and of course - the presents!! I think that was why my Moron decided to ruin every single birthday that I had whilst knowing him. Looking back, the man probably made it his mission to systematically screw up or destroy every ounce of joy, my birthday could possibly produce - since I enjoyed them that much.
This may sound paranoid on my part, but looking back, and knowing the true Moron (not the one I fell in love with, but the one that was really there) that would be something he would do. Can you imagine living that kinda existence? Can you imagine all the energy and negativity balled up in you to focus so greatly on systematically shattering someones life? Almost makes me feel sorry for the guy. Almost.
Let me give you a rundown of the top three birthday gifts I received while sharing destroying my life with this Moron.
1. Nothing (this was actually quite popular, and it doubled as the stand by for Christmas gifts too)
2. A washing machine hose (I believe this one was so we he could hook up the washing machine to run only cold water to save the most precious of things - $$$)
3. A sprinkler (with the $9.99 price tag intact)
Classy, eh? It's a good thing I am not materialistic.... although, had I been, I might have saved myself a decade of torture, and would have had mountains of expensive gifts to quell my sorrows...
Funny thing, still had fun on my birthday - just pissed him off even more! Had my little "woe is me" moments, but I usually came around. NOW, they are back to their glorious splendor :)
What are some of the worst birthday gifts you have received?
Have you seen Eminem & Rihanna's music video for "Love the Way You Lie" ?
If you have not heard the song or seen the video - be prepared for some explicit language and an intense tale of domestic abuse amidst a whole load of flames. The video version of the song stars Lost star Dominic Monaghan and Transformers star Megan Fox.
I am actually a HUGE fan of this song. If you take away the hypnotic melody and cool beat, and can look past the cursing - lies the domestic violence cycle, in hip lyrics. It's a trendy stand on abuse, and it's about freaking time!
In my view Eminem is a kind of urban Shakespeare, in which he breaks down the cycle of domestic violence in rap poetic prose. And Rihanna's hauntingly sultry voice cuts in with the illiterating part of the trap of how and why an abused victim stays in this type of relationship, always holding onto the lies.
The video has been classified as glorifying abuse by casting pouty, sexy star Megan Fox, of course scantily clad with explosive make out scenes along side a pretty chiseled Dominic Monaghan. Rihanna and Eminem (in a cliche wife beater) also strut their stuff.
Yes, it has been glamorized and even Miss Suzie Q wished she looked that good while being tossed around, LOL. But seriously, it just pretty much guarantees the exposure of this video, and hence this message, our message, to stop Domestic Violence.
I jest, but sometimes you need some lightness to approach such a heavy subject such as abuse. The stats alone would wear you down and literally make you cry. Harder if you are a parent. But is this the way to go?
I think one of the biggest messages of all, is the fact that Rhianna is the other part of the duet. Kudos to her for not brushing her past under the rug, and choosing to make a stand. Albeit in her scantily clad leather shorts and high heeled boots, but a stand none the less. Showing that abuse transcends race, socio-economic, and class barriers. Perhaps that in itself is a message worth sending.
Is the platform or venue as important as the message? Is it possible that the tweens of this generation can see past the lipstick, and the low cut shirts and chiseled abs to hear the message?
Let's hope so. Perhaps we should be targeting this generation in a suitable media they would understand... Tailor the venue to target the audience. Most importantly, GET THE MESSAGE OUT.
Instead of attacking the scantily clad messengers, we should be promoting THE MESSAGE. But then again, there is no such thing as bad press - so they say. So perhaps the message is getting out anyway.
What are the chances of the next, next generation being Moron Free ? It's a nice thought. This girl might even don some lipstick and some hooker boots to get the message across... yeah, no, not so much.
So, I was now married to a Moron. Funny how the earth did not move, nor did the married life seem any different than my former one. Actually that was not true. I became even less of a "partner" to this man to whom I was betrothed. If that was even possible.
I was no Domestic Goddess, but I could cook, and my housekeeping wasn't spotless - but I was clean. When I cooked dinner, most of the time the Moron would purposely choose to make his own, as I sat there in awe...
When I would make his lunches for work, the Moron would purposely leave them on the counter, and get mad because how dare I choose to decide what he ate for his lunch. He would bring canned goods to work.
And come any work function, I was always the butt of every joke. And there were many of them.... And we would sit down at our table, and we would start to eat, and then it would start...
"... nice to finally get a home cooked meal, eh?"
"... better then the canned crap you eat at work?"
Looking back I can see the cruelness in his everyday, and it is pointless to dissect the why. For it doesn't matter, it is done and over. More important to me, is the why I stayed, and allowed myself to be treated that way, as I am sure all of you are thinking...
Years of abuse takes its toll, and denial is a warm blanket used to comfort oneself when the truth is too cold to bare. You laugh along, and choose to view the world as you want to see it. Especially when you cannot conceive of the cruelties that others spew, it's easier to give the benefit of the doubt, or laugh rather than cry.
Just for something new I decided to join a Blog Hop today at Blue Frogs Legs. Kelly always does some cool stuff for her Pay it Forward Fridays, and thought I would join along today by sharing a cool butterfly my daughter and I (more her than me) made out of stuff around the house. We had a lot of fun :)
We made it out of q-tips, and beads, and string, an old shirt, feathers, nylons - you name it!!!
My daughter has a friend that is under the weather, this is sure to cheer her up :) Don't forget to sign up for the Blog Hop and paste the code on your blog!!!
