Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One of my favourite quotes...

"To exist in this vast universe for a speck of time is the great gift of life. Our tiny sliver of time is our gift of life. It is our only life. The universe will go on, indifferent to our brief existence, but while we are here we touch not just part of that vastness, but also the lives around us. Life is the gift each of us has been given. Each life is our own and no one else’s. It is precious beyond all counting. It is the greatest value we can have. Cherish it for what it truly is... Your life is yours alone. Rise up and live it."
 --Terry Goodkind

Sometimes it takes someone else to say what we know in our heart, and say it with eloquence and beauty.

What are some of your favourite quotes?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What's In A Name?

My Lil Pixie was the most amazing thing, I had ever been blessed with, and man o man, nothing makes you feel important (in the responsible for another lil human bean, sense) then having a newborn.

After me and the baby were released from the hospital, the Moron took a little bit of (paid) time off work.  I think he was really feeling awkward at this new little thing taking my time, energy and attention.

The Moron was NOT happy about all the crying at nightime, either.  After being up for 4 days straight, I took him up on his offer to stay up with her in the night - thank goodness I never really slept, as I had to rescue her - I thought he was really gonna lose it!

But what the Moron found, was how much attention he got when he took the lil Pixie to town!  He hit the jackpot there!

I would sometimes wake up to find the lil Pixie and him gone, not knowing when they would come back. No wonder he was pushing me to pump my milk, so he could be part of the feeding experience.

I had kept my maiden name (perhaps my inner self just knew) but he had said that he didn't care whose last name she had (although was adamant about if it was a boy it would be his).  In the hospital the babies are always named baby "insert mother's last name here" .

At the lil Pixie's first doctor's appointment, she was called by baby "   ".  The Moron freaked. He truly scared me that day.  The nurse was shocked, and recoiled in horror, as he swung the computer around, he made her change it to his last name.

From that point on - the Moron made a point to let me know that she was not mine, but his...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

And the award goes to....

What a lovely surprise to wake up to another Blog award from Cinnamon so here is my shout out to her, thanx you sexy kitten :)

You guys need to go visit her, and especially find out how she got her name. Very cool.

So 2 Stylish Blogger awards in a couple weeks - am I Super Stylish or what??

Saturday, February 5, 2011

And then there were three...

The birth of my Lil Pixie was not an easy one - though I have heard of far worse.  After 24+ hours of labour she was showing signs of stress and my body just didn't want to dilate.  I was destined to have an emergency c-section.

If you have never experienced or heard of one it is a strange experience, but I guess the whole birthing thing is rather strange, too.  My epidural finally took, and the Moron apparently signed some papers for me, and I was being wheeled down to the OR.

This is what I recall...

There was a sheet draped across my belly, vertically, so I couldn't see what was going on. In fact I couldn't see anyone as they were all down "there" doing what needed to be done.  The Moron wanted to leave me and go be there too, but I pleaded with him to stay (he was up by my head) as he was the only person I could see and talk to, and I was scared.

I could feel someone cut into me, in a kind of "T" motion, and then someone rummaging inside me.  Then a male exclaimed "I can't find the baby".  Which made me kinda worried cuz during an exam earlier a doctor (perhaps the same one?) had proclaimed that he couldn't find my cervix.  At this point I was really starting to wonder about the medical staff...

A little bit later I heard a baby cry and a female cried, "it's a girl!".  Someone came and plumped a little wrinkled, moving raisin on my right shoulder, and then it and the Moron left.  Leaving me alone with this draped sheet, and whoever else was behind it - I could not tell.

Through all of this no one spoke directly to me.  Then a male yelled "I can't stop the bleeding, " and the next thing I remember I was all alone, no sheet, in the middle of this very cold room, shivering to death.  I don't recall ever being so cold, nor trembling this violently.  I could not control it.  In what felt like hours, a nurse finally came and place warm towels or something on me - though the shaking did not subside.

I think I went to sleep at one point, rather, drifted unconscious, and when I came to I was being given some sort of pill.  With this medication came laboured breathing and some pretty vivid hallucinations.  I vaguely remember meeting a baby - but demanding the Moron to bring me the right one as mine had blue eyes and blond hair.  This black haired, black-eyed Eskimo looking baby was not mine and she had been switched!

More pills were given to me, which sent my heart racing and further trouble breathing.  I felt like I was suffocating and was convinced I was dying.  The nurses laughed at me.  My heart started to slow down - really s-l-o-w.  They said I was a drama Queen and that everything was fine.  I felt my life force draining away.

I felt like I was treading water as fast as I could but could barely keep my head above water.  I didn't think I was going to make it.  I had just given birth to this beautiful Lil Pixie - and I wouldn't be able to watch her grow.

Frantically I grabbed the Moron and tried to tell him everything I wanted him to know about her growing up, how to care for her, how to love her, how to protect her, her first words, her first steps, her first period, her first date, her wedding...

I was then given more pills, and the sensation of dying came stronger.

One young nurse, just coming on to shift, came in to see me. I was crying and implored her to take care of my baby.  She left.  Turns out she went to her medical books.  Turns out I was having an allergic reaction to the meds they had given me.  She quickly came in with some Doctors and pumped me full of something to reverse the affects.

An emergency cesarean, 2 blood transfusions, 12 hour allergic reaction to the medication (and in their wisdom, a second dose of it) and 2 days after the Lil Pixie was born, I was able to finally "be" with her.  She was the most beautiful little shriveled raisin I had ever seen.  And I swore I would protect her with my life.  I was going to give her father, the Moron, one year to be a good father.  I felt I owed her that much, a chance to have a family, everybody wants that.  The Moron had love in him,  afterall, I had loved him for a reason.

And then there were three...
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