Marriage life was, well, married life. And marriage to a Moron, well, was at times like a prison sentence. But you survive day to day, and don't even think about the why.
This was the person I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and dammit, I was going to make it work. Whenever the topic of children came up, they were always followed by money. Because my Moron was all about power and money, well one fed into the other.
I am not sure of the things that we tell ourselves, the blinders we put on, the special glasses that block us from seeing what is directly infront of our faces - DENIAL in its fullest.
I always knew I wanted children. Here I was married, and not getting any younger... and my biological clock was a tickin'...
After one more time of his leaving, and us getting back together, we decided a child was what we needed to complete this family. I cannot tell you what craziness sometimes takes over you. I cannot explain to you how you rationalize things and make them sound so perfectly in your head. I can tell you I am an intelligent woman - but sometimes your intelligence just goes out the window, and your desire takes over.
Desire to lead a normal, happy life. Desire to have a child and family that you always wanted. Desire to be "living the dream" even when you are in the middle of a nightmare.
So we tried for a child. It took us one day. Yep, one day (and thank goodness cuz my Moron really ain't all that - and there is only so much denial that can be going on)!
I knew right away I had conceived. I knew right away it was a little girl. And a part of me knew right away I was in for the fight of my life...