Birthday Gifts From a Moron

Birthdays were always times I looked forward to. I mean who doesn't love parties, the cake, and of course - the presents!! I think that was why my Moron decided to ruin every single birthday that I had whilst knowing him. Looking back, the man probably made it his mission to systematically screw up or destroy every ounce of joy, my birthday could possibly produce - since I enjoyed them that much.

This may sound paranoid on my part, but looking back, and knowing the true Moron (not the one I fell in love with, but the one that was really there) that would be something he would do. Can you imagine living that kinda existence? Can you imagine all the energy and negativity balled up in you to focus so greatly on systematically shattering someones life? Almost makes me feel sorry for the guy. Almost.

Let me give you a rundown of the top three birthday gifts I received while sharing destroying my life with this Moron.

1. Nothing (this was actually quite popular, and it doubled as the stand by for Christmas gifts too)
2. A washing machine hose (I believe this one was so we he could hook up the washing machine to run only cold water to save the most precious of things - $$$)
3. A sprinkler (with the $9.99 price tag intact)

Classy, eh?  It's a good thing I am not materialistic.... although, had I been, I might have saved myself a decade of torture, and would have had mountains of expensive gifts to quell my sorrows...

Funny thing, still had fun on my birthday - just pissed him off even more! Had my little "woe is me" moments, but I usually came around. NOW, they are back to their glorious splendor :)

What are some of the worst birthday gifts you have received?