Sunday, June 20, 2010

Our House

I am sure you are all waving your hands wildly, the way you do when watching a horror movie as the soon to be victims are heading straight for the killer, and shouting, "run the other way!" Yep, I walked straight into that one, let's just plummet deeper into this cavernous hole...

Well we bought the house together. Funny that I say WE, because it was actually my large amount of dollars that was put towards the down payment.  Funny that I say WE, because that was the problem, there was never actually a WE. There was a me, a dwindling me, but a me nonetheless. There was a him, and he just kept getting meaner and more power hungry, another little foible to add to the long list.

I kept making excuses for him, the new responsibility of the house, he had a stressful day, the list was endless. I never heard the end of it how he worked so hard, and all I did was take, take, take. So I took on more work. I had three jobs. I averaged about 120 hours a week - but never even close to earning the same amount of pay as he did. Therefore what I contributed wasn't equal. For someone who was so unmaterialistic, I sure was focused on money. But the funny thing was, not for me. We still had separate bank accounts, and I had no real insight to what was coming and going. Because I was NOT a money oriented person, it wasn't important to me how much was coming in. He had financial control of everything. And I was OK with that because I blindly trusted him. When you could never perceive to deceive someone a certain way, the thought never enters your mind. Perhaps one of my little foibles, I gave trust where it should have been earned.

But I had the house, and my prince (so what if he had a foible or two...), and I wasn't afraid of a little (or a lot) of hard work. I just ploughed away at the work, in hopes that the rest of my dreams would come true. This is what happens when you have the misguided notions of someone elses happiness. Or trying to fit a little girl's dreams into a woman's fantasy. Make believe and reality often don't mix, and sometimes you don't get your happily ever after...


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15 comments:

Barrie said...

I think you're very brave.

Hannah said...

I think you are very brave too! I have seen the damages an abusive man can have on a woman. I have a family member who finally took the steps to end the abusive after 29 years of it. And you know what when you find happiness within yourself you will have your happily ever after.

Liz said...

I'm sorry to hear about your rough relationship. But it sounds like you are resilient and strong, and feel confident with our plans for the future.

Thanks SO much for joining in!! And your usage was great!

KLZ said...

Well aren't you the little wordsmith? This is such a rough situation...home ownership is not always what it's cracked up to be. But then, being cynical is one of my own little foibles.

Ms. Understood said...

I admire you strength. Great post. It's tough to look your foibles in the eye.

Kat from California said...

I can relate to what you are writing. Are you still with the moron? When did this all happen? This past year or farther back? I wish you the best of luck recouperating from the abuse and finding yourself again.

viewfromdownhere said...

Yes, I do find myself wanting to shout "Run for your life! Get out of the building!"

It sounds like you are one strong person for sticking through this as long as you did. And for getting out. I admire your strength.

Susan said...

Sorry to hear about your difficult relationship. Just remember to always focus on yourself. You are strong.
Susan
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Cori Benson said...

Even though you "married a moron", you are a super strong woman!! Way to step up and realize something wasn't right!! Stay strong lady!!

Natalie said...

I admire your strength - it's something I work on continuosly because it doesn't come easy for me.

On a lighter note, great use of the WOW!

Melissa said...

I admire you for writing honestly about such a relationship. That takes courage. You go girl!

Suzie Q said...

Thank you everyone...I am just a slow learner, I guess :)

verbalabuseisreal said...

That was EXACTLY what Derek was like -- he laid the guilt on me for every little thing, and then called me selfish for having any goals at all. Amazingly, even though I knew what he was saying was warped and distorted, I still felt the need to defend myself and it took enormous amounts of energy to undo the negative impact he had on me each and every time. It's just incredible how these abusive types are all cut from the same cloth. I love you blog and it's theraputic to read. None of us wants to feel like we were the only one who was stupid by marrying a moron, thanks for the company. The good thing is that WE survived -- I hope others benefit from blogs like this one!

Suzie Q said...

Yes, when someone describes an abusive person, they really do describe them all, no matter what type or spectrum on the scale. Thank for reading and my goal is to help educate and perhaps spread a few giggles along the way.

Kelly said...

Funny that way, how they all have the exact same characteristics....

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