When dealing with a man who is a great chameleon, I am not sure if you ever get to see the core. I am not sure if he even knows what exists at his core, and which ever changing exterior he is to wear. I would imagine it to be an exhausting task, changing personalities and keeping them all straight. Being wound so tight, and never having the ability to just BE, even in his pathetic existence, but to just be, nonetheless.
So having the apparent misconception of support from my new found prince, I forged on in my life as I made a huge career change, trying to get in touch with my inner artist. My first mistake (I later found out) was pursuing my dream. How dare I strive for happiness. How dare I find the courage to forge my way back on my path to happiness in all aspects of my life. After all he had given up finding his, what gave me the right to search for mine? Here I mistook his controlling nature for a firm understanding and willingness to help me succeed, only catch was, I had to play by his rules.
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| Lucky me, I had found me a Knight in Shining Armour with a deadly sharp Hook and a fear of horses... |
Looking back now, after years of therapy, I can see the picture unravel and his little hooks and webs creep into every aspect of my life. It is so clear to me, sitting years later with my new found enlightenment and perch. Looking down on my younger troubled self, ploughing through determined to find acceptance, but slowly giving up the best parts of myself. All in the name of what was believed to be LOVE. Because isn't that the greatest reason, after all?
7 comments:
I hope now that you are out of that web you are back to pursuing your own dreams, because you are worth it!
I love your honesty, look forward to your next post.
Keep 'em coming...we want more :)
Glad you've made it out of that relationship and are learning about yourself. Therapy can teach us so much. I think falling in love does make us blind to some of the negative aspects of a person. Sometimes it's so helpful to look back and see what happened. I hope you are growing from this (it seems like you really are) and I love your honesty!
Thanx once again. All of this support means alot. Honesty is important to me, in all facets of my life. Most importantly in this one, as it is my journey to self healing, and perhaps others along the way. Thank you for reading, and I hope you stay tuned :)
Always so informative and entertaining :)
I had read this before the BF leave your link.
Your story is incredible.
So thankful you are physically out.
Hope the rest of the healing goes well!
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