When dealing with a man who is a great chameleon, I am not sure if you ever get to see the core. I am not sure if he even knows what exists at his core, and which ever changing exterior he is to wear. I would imagine it to be an exhausting task, changing personalities and keeping them all straight. Being wound so tight, and never having the ability to just BE, even in his pathetic existence, but to just be, nonetheless.
So having the apparent misconception of support from my new found prince, I forged on in my life as I made a huge career change, trying to get in touch with my inner artist. My first mistake (I later found out) was pursuing my dream. How dare I strive for happiness. How dare I find the courage to forge my way back on my path to happiness in all aspects of my life. After all he had given up finding his, what gave me the right to search for mine? Here I mistook his controlling nature for a firm understanding and willingness to help me succeed, only catch was, I had to play by his rules.
|Lucky me, I had found me a Knight in Shining Armour with a deadly sharp Hook and a fear of horses...|
Looking back now, after years of therapy, I can see the picture unravel and his little hooks and webs creep into every aspect of my life. It is so clear to me, sitting years later with my new found enlightenment and perch. Looking down on my younger troubled self, ploughing through determined to find acceptance, but slowly giving up the best parts of myself. All in the name of what was believed to be LOVE. Because isn't that the greatest reason, after all?