Of course he wasn’t a moron at the very beginning – NO, that would be too easy. It’s too bad people don’t just come with labels…dumb, overbearing, cheater, moron. Then we could better choose our friends and ultimately lovers.
When they say love is blind, they weren’t kidding. Sometimes you fall for the wrong people. Sometimes you fall for the right one for the wrong reasons, and sometimes you are just stupid and fall for a moron. I was 2 for 3, mine definitely wasn’t the right one. And why is it that we are always the last to know?
We met at a time where I was grieving the loss of many things, though outwardly you wouldn’t know it. I didn’t even know it! I was grieving the loss of the expectations of my life, grieving the loss of a previous relationship which I thought was “the one”, grieving the loss of the belief that I had that everything would turn out OK. Getting to be in my late 20’s, I had expected I would have been married and having kids by now. And I wanted kids! But not with just anyone, the right someone. I think that I just sort of settled, and didn’t realize it.
We met doing some cool activities, I was always into outdoor activities, camping, hiking, things like that. He was kinda shy, kinda geeky, and very attentive. He had big ears (I thought they were endearing), and was prematurely balding (though a couple of years younger than me) and was tall and built like a stick! He had never had a girlfriend before, and he was agreeable to everything I did – but not too agreeable. He seemed to say EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. We became close friends at first. Somehow I think I fell in love with the man he wanted to be. And I was too naive to know the difference.
The warning signs were all there, but I just didn’t see them - for I must have been wearing my rose coloured glasses. Looking back, I am unsure if I was in denial, or he was a good actor. You see those who have a lot to hide, can be quite good chameleons, and great about fooling everyone, or at least most. You know how your picture perfect neighbour turns out to be a serial killer?
I am quite the artistic sort, which I believe lends itself to feeling things deeply. This can of course be a downfall, especially for all the BIG emotions, like Love, Sadness, Hurt. But it can also be a great gift, as I appreciate all the little things with as much fervor as the BIB things.
Needless to say, our friendship blossomed, and then we moved in together…
