Thursday, June 10, 2010

In the Beginning...

Hello, my name is Miss Suzie Q, and I fell in love with a moron and found out it was only the beginning…

Of course he wasn’t a moron at the very beginning – NO, that would be too easy. It’s too bad people don’t just come with labels…dumb, overbearing, cheater, moron. Then we could better choose our friends and ultimately lovers.

When they say love is blind, they weren’t kidding. Sometimes you fall for the wrong people. Sometimes you fall for the right one for the wrong reasons, and sometimes you are just stupid and fall for a moron. I was 2 for 3, mine definitely wasn’t the right one. And why is it that we are always the last to know?

We met at a time where I was grieving the loss of many things, though outwardly you wouldn’t know it. I didn’t even know it! I was grieving the loss of the expectations of my life, grieving the loss of a previous relationship which I thought was “the one”, grieving the loss of the belief that I had that everything would turn out OK. Getting to be in my late 20’s, I had expected I would have been married and having kids by now. And I wanted kids! But not with just anyone, the right someone. I think that I just sort of settled, and didn’t realize it.

We met doing some cool activities, I was always into outdoor activities, camping, hiking, things like that. He was kinda shy, kinda geeky, and very attentive. He had big ears (I thought they were endearing), and was prematurely balding (though a couple of years younger than me) and was tall and built like a stick! He had never had a girlfriend before, and he was agreeable to everything I did – but not too agreeable. He seemed to say EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. We became close friends at first. Somehow I think I fell in love with the man he wanted to be. And I was too naive to know the difference.



The warning signs were all there, but I just didn’t see them - for I must have been wearing my rose coloured glasses. Looking back, I am unsure if I was in denial, or he was a good actor. You see those who have a lot to hide, can be quite good chameleons, and great about fooling everyone, or at least most. You know how your picture perfect neighbour turns out to be a serial killer?

I am quite the artistic sort, which I believe lends itself to feeling things deeply. This can of course be a downfall, especially for all the BIG emotions, like Love, Sadness, Hurt. But it can also be a great gift, as I appreciate all the little things with as much fervor as the BIB things.

Needless to say, our friendship blossomed, and then we moved in together…

11 comments:

Shayna said...

They say retrospect is 20/20 --- I hate that cliche, but it's so true! The key is figuring it out (and it sounds like you did) - looking forward to your next post :-)

Cori Benson said...

Welcome to the crazy blogging world! I'm like Shayna and can't wait to see your next post! I love the honesty and heart you shared above in your post! Good Luck!

Kelly said...

I am so proud of you for doing this post. I hope this blog helps you on your way to peace, I know you have come a long way so far. You are doing it, girl! Be strong, be true, and be proud. I know I am of you :)

Erin Honestly said...

This was a powerful first post! The good thing is that you didn't stick around, waiting for him to change. Already I can tell that you are someone I'd like to get to know!

viewfromdownhere said...

Welcome to the blog world! I love your first two posts...I've been there in my past many many many times. Luckily I'm not with a moron currently, but I have those men in my past where I look back and think "Five years with that? Was I on drugs our entire relationship or something?"

I look forward to reading more of your posts!!!

katlupe said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging.....where you can get anything off your chest. The perfect remedy for the recovery period from divorce! I had a couple of those morons too, but mine were different from your's (Not physical abusers). I can happily say there are some good ones out there....the trick is being able to identify them!

Suzie Q said...

Thank you everyone for your support.

A New England Life said...

I'm glad you are finding your way. Life is so filled with challenges and we all make mistakes. I stayed with a moron boyfriend for several years but thankfully didn't marry him. There's nothing like a good counselor to help show you the way!

jeanhasbeenshopping said...

It's so important to document this. Perhaps you will save another person some heartache.

Firefly@fireflyblog.org said...

Welcome to blogging world, hope you'll like it! Visiting you from “first post” linky!

varunner said...

Popping over from BF. Writing is such a catharsis, isn't it? One big step to healing...

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