Almost a year had gone by of living together. He had learned the most important things about me. He had learned everything he needed to know to make give up just one more thing. Slowly this super independent woman was becoming super dependant on him. He was extremely cunning, and slowly pried me away, and I stupidly followed.
Guilt. That was my kryptonite. That is what worked on me. Guilt that I wasn't doing enough. Guilt that I wasn't giving enough. Guilt that I was following my dream, while he slaved away at a job he didn't like (kinda forgot to factor in that he had chosen this occupation way before even knowing me). Guilt that I had a university degree. Guilt that I had talents that I recognized. You name it, he guilted it! And I kept falling hook line and sink her!! And I was sinking. I believe I fell into a little bit of a depression. Trying so hard to give this man everything, I was depleted. Trying to be my positive self to compensate for all the negativity, is exhausting!
I am nor have ever been a quitter. And I was determined to make this work! My wiser self could now recognize that moving on and quitting are two different things. My younger self just kept trying harder, giving more, doing more, being more, working more. Problem is, there is still only the one little me, and I just could not cover all these bases without losing parts of me along the way.
I think I was a pretty naive, innocent sort. My mother used to laugh and say she though I would be a virgin well into my 30's. Not quite true, it was mid twenties. By I was pretty innocent, and pretty trusting. Those rose coloured glasses sure didn't help. My life wasn't feeling too rosy and something deep down inside me knew it. I was very lost. Looking back I can totally see why. I was floundering and was desperately trying to find my way, but was using some one else's compass.
I finally started listening to that inner voice. I decided I needed to make a change. It was going to be BIG. Another change. A big change. I was going to move back east. Good, make my way back to where my heart belonged. I was going to start my own business, I had my little nest egg squirreled away, and was going to make my mark.
But I was still the innocent sort, and when my so-called prince jumped in and pledged his undying love for me and dumped the guilt of leaving true love, and threw in a house he would buy for us to move into so we can raise a family....