Even when I think that it's not, its hanging out in the background, lying like a tiger, waiting to pounce. I don't think that I have always been this way, and I have come along way, baby. But it is still there. Until recently, I didn't realize just how much fear was really in me.
You know what? I am tired of living in fear. Tired of worrying about what may happen. Tired of not doing the right thing. Tired of worrying about the Moron. Tired.
Fear can be paralyzing. Fear can be crippling. And fear can keep your senses sharp.
Tell you what. I have come such a long way, might as well go the distance. I may not never fully forget what it feels like to be in the clutches of a Moron - but I sure as hell control that I am gonna do everything in my power to never be there again.
Every now and again I get relapses of that fear. Especially when there are dangerous Morons out there just lurking. But I am tired of being a Victim.
I can recall that about a year after I left the Moron, a friend's husband said these words to me:
"I have noticed that you walk taller, hold your head up, and look me in the eye when I talk to you now".
How blown away was I when I heard that. He described me as mouse-like, and I have never forgotten it. I don't ever want to be that way again.
I cannot control what life throws at me, but I sure as hell can control how I react to it. And eventhough I may still have fear based reactions - they will NOT stop me from what I need to do.
How do you live with your fears?