The Beginning of the First Day of the Rest of My Life...

It was the Lil Pixie's first birthday - a milestone in more than one way.  A year of her life, a year of surviving a tumultuous family wherein she became a pawn, and the fulfilment of my promise.

Unfortunately, the Moron did not become the father I hope he would be.  No miraculous transitions into fatherhood occurred.  His value or understanding of love did not happen, and in my heart, my road was forged.

It began a very strange morning, being awoken by a phone call by the Moron's mother (the apple sure didn't fall far from the tree in this instance).  He got out of bed and took the phone call in the living room. I later learned he also got the Lil Pixie up and was preparing them to go to brunch with his Mother.

I had already gotten up with the Lil Pixie earlier, so was trying to get some more sleep - but there was something strange about the phone call. When I got up, I found the Moron trying to escape (again) with the baby, without telling me where he was going.

I felt different, braver, stronger, and dared asked him where he was going.  When he replied that he had been invited out to brunch with his mom, I asked why I wasn't invited.  Usually I am in the most avoidance of such confrontation, but something just didn't seem right, and with my new found boldness, I attempted answers.

It was winter, so it was just starting to get light out.  I made sure the Lil Pixie was dressed appropriately, as the the Moron seemed oblivious to such things.  Once again I asked why I wasn't invited, where he was going, etc. The Moron just utilized his trusty veil of non-acknowledgement (one drawn from his more immature arsenal of control tools) and was out the door.

I knew something was up... I just didn't know what...

Motherhood with a Moron

Morons are huge opportunists.  And they use the most convenient as well as the most hurtful means available to them to make their point.  After the Lil Pixie was born - that meant her.

There were many a time where I would wake and find her gone - no note - no idea where they went or when they would be back.  Constantly keeping me on edge and reminding me of the threats that he would take her away from me.

My very first Mother's Day was one of these lucky days for me.  One important reminder that he was the one who held the control (or so he believed).  It would be 5 years later that I would have to wait to spend my first Mother's Day with her - a notion not lost on me.

Forever the contriver, manipulator and bully.  The anti was upped with her birth, and the price of losing went up tenfold.  But what the Moron failed to realise, was that my resolve and my strength grew with me when she had grown inside of me.  With that growth grew love and a will made strong for the protection of it. 

There is a reason you don't get between a mama and her cubs.  Its funny how you may not always fight for your survival - but put your children in danger and the claws come out.  I may be more of a flight than fight kinda gal, but at last resort and threatening my child - I will fight to the death.

My inner fighter was slowly being wakened.  Fear was still strong, and the Moron played those cards well - but he failed in his underestimation.  In his underestimation of the bond between Mother and child as well as his underestimation of Miss Suzie Q.