Before the Lil Pixie was born, I had to re-evaluate my life. It was not as if I sat down with pen and paper and wrote out a list of pros and cons, it was more of a subconscious way of thinking. I barely even knew it was happening. But as she was growing inside of me, so was I. I was growing stronger, and I was becoming more of the me I used to be. But I wasn't ready to dare to be free.
Before she was born I made a promise to her that I would give her father (the Moron) one year to be a good father. I felt I owed her that. Little did I know that helped him tremendously in the eyes of the law.
But when I look back on everything, I can at least look myself in the eye, and know that it may have been naive and foolish, but I chose my path for love. The love of my child.
Ironically we split up a year to the day of her birth - I kept that promise to her and myself. Truer words were never spoken.
No one ever wants their child to know or see that their parent is a loser. No one ever wants their child to see that their parent chose something or someone else over them. But do you ever tell your child the truth?
I have always been honest with the Lil Pixie. But I choose my words carefully, and tell her no more than she needs to age appropriately know. And I respect that she has every right to have a loving relationship with her father and enjoy all that it entails. Which is why we make something for him together every father's day. It isn't about the Moron - but about her right to love whom she chooses, and not have to pick and choose or feel guilty about it.
Does the Moron deserve it? No. Does he appreciate it. Probably not. But at the end of the day - it's not about him, and truth be told it helps me to lesson the hold he has on me.
If he was smart, he would realise that I actually am his biggest ally, as I will always choose what is right for her. Does that mean I won't tell her the truth if she asks it? No. But I dare him to even once put her first. Oh well.....one could dream - but I won't hold my breath...
I guess in the end, the truth just may set me free.....if I dare to believe it...
How do you deal with your ex in relation to your children?