Wednesday, July 27, 2011

BIG Promises

Before my Lil Pixie was born, I swore that I would protect her.  But I also felt I owed her to allow her the chance to get to know her father - eventhough he was a Moron.  I gave him a year to be a good father.

We split up on her first birthday.

I've struggle with what ifs alot, and this is a BIG one of those.  But everytime I come back to it, I come to the same conclusion.  I chose that decision out of love.  Out of my love for her, and what I felt she deserved.  I believe everyone deserves the love of both their parents, and me being the glass half full kinda gal that I am, went with it, hoping for our happy ending.

Unfortunately in the eyes of the law, this was in fact my biggest mistake.  Having her born in this place, made it her home, thus tying her legally to it.  Thus tying me.  Eventhough I wasn't from there, nor any of my family (in fact almost all my family was on the other side of the country), this was how the law viewed it.

Here is where my real battle for survival began.  Here is where my love, life and steel was tested.  Here is where my own private hell was wrought.

And here is where I found out I truly was a survivor.


B M said...

Sometimes I think about turning back the clock, but the most precious .. I will loose will be the ones I love the most. My mum said something the other day, like a slip.. it is my fault it is my choice - she is right, but then I said, a big mistake I tried, I learnt but I don't have to lie down and take it.
I could not be mad with her. I have accepted it.   Sometimes or should it be more often we have to live for ourselves.

Suzie Q said...

I love that saying (not sure who said it) "when you know better, you do better", so simple - so true.  You live and learn, and hope you use those life lessons to improve yourself and others. Your experiences, however, shape the person you are today.

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