Old Habits are Like a Comfy Pair of Sweats

Sometimes breaking out of what you are used to is like charging through uncharted territory. Like wearing something uncomfortable when you are yearning for that old pair of comfy sweat pants that seems to know your body, hug it, and give you that comfy, familiar feeling.

But that is what you have to do sometimes.  Step out of your ordinary.  Step out of those comfy sweat pants and break in a new pair. Habits are hard to break.  They are familiar and we know what the outcome will be - even if it isn't a happy one - we can at least visualize and prepare for it.

The unknown is scary.  We have no idea what the outcome will be - and our old sweat pants are just so gosh darn, comfy.  But sometimes those sweatpants just aren't working for us.  Sometimes we need to slap on some clean, new pair of pants and step out into the world - and try out new things.  Even scary things.  Like standing on our own two feet, and putting our brave face on, and pretending like we can conquer the world (even when we feel like mush inside).

Sometimes we have to grit our teeth and change old patterns and learn some new ones.  Better ones.  Ones that will eventually feel like our comfy, old pair of sweats in time.

The trick is giving it a try.  Then trying again once we felt scared and abandoned our mission.  Then trying again and again, just like the little engine that could.

That my friends, is how progress is made.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  And our lives don't get better or Moronfree in an instant.  Its a process.  But one that is worthwhile.  Grab a friend to help you along the way if you need it.  Stop and cry if you feel like it.  But keep on trekking - because I know you can.


Never stop believing that you are anything less than worth it, or that someone out there doesn't care.

Truth or Dare

Before the Lil Pixie was born, I had to re-evaluate my life.  It was not as if I sat down with pen and paper and wrote out a list of pros and cons, it was more of a subconscious way of thinking.  I barely even knew it was happening.  But as she was growing inside of me, so was I. I was growing stronger, and I was becoming more of the me I used to be.  But I wasn't ready to dare to be free.

Before she was born I made a promise to her that I would give her father (the Moron) one year to be a good father.  I felt I owed her that.  Little did I know that helped him tremendously in the eyes of the law.

But when I look back on everything, I can at least look myself in the eye, and know that it may have been naive and foolish, but I chose my path for love.  The love of my child.

Ironically we split up a year to the day of her birth - I kept that promise to her and myself.  Truer words were never spoken.

No one ever wants their child to know or see that their parent is a loser.  No one ever wants their child to see that their parent chose something or someone else over them.  But do you ever tell your child the truth?

I have always been honest with the Lil Pixie.  But I choose my words carefully, and tell her no more than she needs to age appropriately know.  And I respect that she has every right to have a loving relationship with her father and enjoy all that it entails.  Which is why we make something for him together every father's day.  It isn't about the Moron - but about her right to love whom she chooses, and not have to pick and choose or feel guilty about it.

Does the Moron deserve it? No.  Does he appreciate it.  Probably not.  But at the end of the day - it's not about him, and truth be told it helps me to lesson the hold he has on me.

If he was smart, he would realise that I actually am his biggest ally, as I will always choose what is right for her.  Does that mean I won't tell her the truth if she asks it? No. But I dare him to even once put her first. Oh well.....one could dream - but I won't hold my breath...

I guess in the end, the truth just may set me free.....if I dare to believe it...

How do you deal with your ex in relation to your children?

Do Morons Make Good Fathers?

Some might argue that how Morons treat their spouses, is not equivocal to how they treat their children.  I for one will disagree.

Some might say that just because they do not treat their spouses with respect, and abuse them - doesn't mean they are bad parents.

I guess it depends on your definition of a good parent. I personally believe that parents owe their children the best possible upbringing.  One that provides them with both emotional and financial security.  Now, I am not talking about providing your children with ipods and tv's and everything money can buy.  What I am saying is that providing them with shelter, good food, clean clothes and good work ethic are important.  Whether you do so with a 6 figure income, or a minimum wage job, is irrelevant.  Paired with the emotional security to provide them with a safe place they can call home.  Safe for them to be themselves, free from physical and emotional harm.

If you don't believe that the effect of spousal abuse has an impact on your children, then maybe you should ask yourself how children learn, and where they gather their information to which they will model themselves after.

Actions truly do speak louder than words.  Children learn from both - but they are little sponges and absorb everything - good and bad.

Morons may want to be good parents, but wanting and doing are often two different things.  Is there a point where you simply lose parental rights?  What if we were talking about criminals, murderers?

I have read some pretty horrible custody trials, and personally have disagreed with many judicial decisions that have been made over the years.

Its a tough call. What are your thoughts on the issue?  Join the debate...

Most Recent Poll Results

MORONS DATING YOUR DAUGHTER(S)

Wow (not that I am really all that shocked) nobody would let a Moron date their daughters. Out of all who voted, 44.4% chose hell to the die NO

33.3% chose over my dead body

22% chose I have a crazy Uncle Joe he can meet first.

Way to be pro-active :)

Don't forget to vote on the next Poll - When faced with physical fear I...

Neighbours, Friends and Families

I am going to introduce a very cool community-based campaign that has been sweeping across Ontario, Canada.  It is known as the NFF Campaign (Neighbours, Friends & Families).

www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca

Neighbours, Friends and Families is a public education campaign to raise awareness of the signs of woman abuse so that those close to an at-risk woman or an abusive man can help.

This is an amazing organization which is targeted at, yup, you guessed it, neighbours friends and families of both the victims as well as the abusers.  Often they are the ones who see the first signs of abuse, but have no idea what they can do to help.  Education is key.  It provides tons of information on how to help the victim as well as how to talk to the Moron.  It is full of information and links, and definitely worth the trip over. 


Give it a try, hop on over and spread the word... Abuse is simply NOT RIGHT.

Poll Question

DO YOU THINK MORONS CAN SHED THEIR MORONIC WAYS?

Well, another poll down, and sadly, no one believes that Morons can change their moronic ways.

You know what, I would love to hear that at least one abuser has changed their life for the better. Perhaps it would give me some kind of hope, for a world packed full of Morons.

And don't forget to answer the latest Poll...

Fear - Can we Live with it?

I have been thinking alot about the decisions I make.  About the feelings that go into the decisions I make.  About the feelings that go on, when I make a decision.  There is one feeling that is always there.

FEAR

Even when I think that it's not, its hanging out in the background, lying like a tiger, waiting to pounce.  I don't think that I have always been this way, and I have come along way, baby.  But it is still there.  Until recently, I didn't realize just how much fear was really in me.

You know what?  I am tired of living in fear.  Tired of worrying about what may happen.  Tired of not doing the right thing.  Tired of worrying about the Moron.  Tired.

Fear can be paralyzing.  Fear can be crippling.  And fear can keep your senses sharp.

Tell you what.  I have come such a long way, might as well go the distance.  I may not never fully forget what it feels like to be in the clutches of a Moron - but I sure as hell control that I am gonna do everything in my power to never be there again.

Every now and again I get relapses of that fear.  Especially when there are dangerous Morons out there just lurking.  But I am tired of being a Victim.

I can recall that about a year after I left the Moron, a friend's husband said these words to me:
"I have noticed that you walk taller, hold your head up, and look me in the eye when I talk to you now".
How blown away was I when I heard that.  He described me as mouse-like, and I have never forgotten it.  I don't ever want to be that way again.

I cannot control what life throws at me, but I sure as hell can control how I react to it.  And eventhough I may still have fear based reactions - they will NOT stop me from what I need to do.

How do you live with your fears?