And To You, A Moronfree Mother's Day

When you become a mother, nobody can fully explain to you how you are going to feel. No one can fully explain to you the sheer magnitude of joy you feel from the very first moment the connection is made with that child, nor the the heart wrenching agony you will feel when your child is in pain, and there is nothing you can do to help. No one can fully explain the levels of protection you feel, nor the depths you are willing and therefore capable of going, to protect that child from harm. Victims of domestic violence feel this on such an urgent, and often daily level. And no matter how safe they are told they are, no one can ever imagine the true fear that is felt when someone tells you that they will kill you and/or take away your children. This fear becomes one with you, and although you may be able to move on and live a seemingly product life, that fear is always with you.

For those that stay in the relationship, it is often their vision of protection, as the system would indoubtably leave their children often more exposed to violence or worse. For those brave mothers, their choice to stay – though seen as one of weakness – is often one of great strength of shielding.

On this Mother’s Day, I would like to wish all Mothers a safe and happy Moronfree day. Especially to those who are still in amongst the war.

My FIrst REAL Mother's Day at Last...

Awoken by the tiny pitter patter of little feet, and a dive bomb into my bed, then a zillion Happy Mommy's day kisses; I am reminded of my very first Mother's Day, and how vastly different life is, now.

When my Lil Pixie was born, I was so excited to be a mother.  It was the most amazing thing I had ever done - and I think I have done a few amazing things in this life...

When the first Mother's Day rolled around, I woke up to an empty house.  No note, no clue where the Moron had gone, or my Lil Pixie. Thoughtfulness along with tact and well, a heart, were never things the Moron could ever be accused of by those who truly knew him.

The diaper bag was gone, along with a few bags of my frozen milk (I had enough milk to feed an army).  I knew why the Moron liked that I pumped my breast milk... at least he took some of it with him.  I could be thankful for at least that!!

Dinnertime rolled around, and still no sign of them.  Late that night they came back, her fast asleep.  My first mother's day missed - I am sure part of his plans to punish me something or other.  Many tears were shed that day.

My second Mother's day we were separated too.  The Moron managed to get his court ordered visitation on Mother's day - and once again I was alone on a day that meant so much to me.  Many more tears shed.

For many years, this was what I was left with.  My being alone on Mother's Day.  Even after our huge court battle, he had managed to get his court ordered visitation, flying her across the country, always for this special day.  The Moron's vengeance runs deep.

Never once receiving a Mother's Day present, never once hearing those tiny pitter-pattering feet or receiving those award-winning Mommy's day kisses.  Until today.

Today I have to work, and was feeling a little down.  Down at having to work one of my many jobs today.  As a single mom struggling to make ends meet (as I am sure many of you know) I am laboured with working two fulltime jobs, as well as one part time one.

I was having a small pitty party for myself, until I remembered how far I have come.  How far we have come.  Both literally and figuratively.  I have gained my freedom.  I have a life again.  In some sense, I have been reborn.  And although today is a day made up from Hallmark cards and the flower corporations, it does hold significance for me.

And thanks to an amazing kindergarten teacher, I even went on a treasure hunt for an amazing Mother's Day present.  In the end, life isn't so bad, and the few hours missed on this glorious day, for work, just helps to fund our freedom.

Hope all of you have a glorious and Moronfree Mother's Day - I know I will :)